Invisible Guardian
by Ekwy
Summary: CATS About the shyest of the Jellicles, the one who hides. What was her life like? Oneshot.


**A/N:** Thought I'd try something different... Let me know how it worked out, okay? 

**Invisible Guardian**

Of all Jellicles, there was one who stood outside. One who was not like them. One who hid in shadow and darkness, watching them like a phantom, a part of the group but still not. It was not that she did not have any friends among them, her sister was also a Jellicle and rather well liked, but Exotica, alone little Exotica, did not possess the social skills of Cassandra's. She did not mourn this. She was perfectly content with being outside looking in. Stoic, proud and shy, she kept to herself and bothered no one.

She looked at herself as a visitor at the junkyard. Her stay there would not be permanent, it was merely a station in-between the place where she had been born and the place where she would die. A place where she could be for a short while, where people fed and cared for her, and then she would leave. She spent her days regarding her fellow Jellicles and how they reacted, but without participating in their games. 

Exotica enjoyed watching them. She made it into a game to see how long it would take before they noticed her. When Coricopat and Tantomile was nearby, it never took long. They always saw her, no matter how well she hid or how silent she was. Mistoffelees was also difficult to fool, young though he was. But the kittens... she could watch them for hours without being bothered. They were innocent. Pure. 

Young. 

Exotica rarely left the shadows. She only stepped out into the light when it was required of her, when she had to dance with the others. She didn't like it. It exposed her as one of them, when she was everything but. She was extraordinary. She was special. 

Which probably was the reason why Macavity noticed her right away. He had some watching abilities of his own, and he was much more quiet than she could ever hope to be. 

"You are special," he whispered to her. "Special and beautiful. I can make you a strong queen, my dear. I can give you what you wish." 

And she had listened to him. Foolish of her, but she had been intrigued. She had found him handsome, despite the sunken-in eyes and the glimmering fangs, or perhaps because of it. 

"What do I have to do?" she had asked calmly, not a tremble in her voice to reveal how frightened she was. 

He had leered at her. "Not much. I want you to watch a couple of cats for me. Calicos. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, they call themselves. Nothing but common thieves, they are of no importance to anyone. You will guard them for me. Make sure they don't do anything stupid. They have a tendency to do stupid things." 

Exotica nodded. The calico siblings had not been at the Jellicle junkyard for long, but she knew about them already. There were few things that escaped her ever-watchful eye. "And what do I get?" 

"A place by my side. Protection. And who knows? Perhaps one day, you can be something more." 

The thought appealed to her, and she had agreed. The calicos had proved to be something of a challenge to keep an eye on. They had quickly befriended Mistoffelees, so perhaps they knew that Macavity had someone watching them. They never suspected her, though. Maybe they were expecting someone more intimidating, she didn't know. 

Once a week, Macavity showed up next to her. He wanted news, and she would tell. The siblings had gotten themselves a pair of humans to care for them. They lived in Victoria Grove. The Jellicles knew that they were thieves, and did not mind. They had many friends and were liked, most of all by the kittens. And Macavity nodded and said: "Well done. Keep your watch. I will be here next week. Wait for me, my dark beauty." 

And with those words, her heart soared. She knew that it was foolish to fall for him. The Jellicles had many stories about him, about the Hidden Paw, and she knew what he had done. Kidnapping, murder, theft, rape... The list was long, and she probably knew only half of it. But still. He obviously cared just a little for her, and she lived on that. She would do anything, _anything_, just to hear him call her his dark beauty again. 

At first, he found pleasure in her. Sometimes he would bring her to his hideout, where they would have sex. He didn't care much for her in bed, but she found it enjoyable all the same. For sometimes, just sometimes, her Macavity would speak to her of mating and make it official. He wanted an heir, and he wanted it to be legitimate. Exotica was in heaven. To be with him, forever, and truly be his. It would be wonderful. She would stand his uneven temper and his tantrums, and bear his kittens as if it was an honour to do so. 

It did not take her long to become pregnant. By now she had left the Jellicles, and was living with him. She waited a while before telling him, just to make sure that this was indeed the case. And that day, just when she was about to share the good news, she saw the light in his eyes. The light that, as clearly as if he had told her, said that he had seen someone. Someone who wasn't her. And in that moment, she knew she had lost him. 

Her name was Demeter. She was everything that Exotica wasn't, sweet, loving and gentle. And Macavity was mad about her. He tried his very best tricks to woo her, just as he had wooed Exotica, but Demeter was made of harder stuff. She did not accept his signs of affection. She already had a tom in her life. Macavity was furious. Exotica tried her very best to please him, but whatever she did wasn't enough. He only wanted Demeter. 

As the kittens grew in her belly, hate grew in her heart. Hate for Demeter, hate for Macavity. Hate for herself. Slowly, a plan formed in Exotica's mind. She could not stay there with him. She had to leave. The grand dreams of her youth had faded into nothing now, and she no longer believed that she was meant for great things. She was just Exotica, a worn-out queen with kittens to come and no place to be. 

Returning to the Jellicles was her only choice. She had no idea if they would welcome her, or if they would shun her like they had Grizabella. She clearly remembered the Glamour Cat. In Exotica's early kittenhood, Grizabella had been the one everyone looked up to. She had been respected and awed because of her beauty, and she had left them to find new people to adore her. And when she was old and her beauty had faded, she had tried to come back, and the Jellicles had turned on her. The Jellicles never forgot a wrong. Grizabella had been proud and stuck-up, too engaged in her own appearance to care for anything else, and her tribe had shunned her. 

She was still wandering the streets somewhere, Macavity's minions had told Exotica about that. She didn't want to end like Grizabella. She was not going to die helpless and alone. 

But return she must. Perhaps they would take pity on her because she was carrying kittens. On the other hand, they were Macavity's kittens. She didn't know how they would react to that. 

And now she was standing outside the junkyard, counting seconds in her mind. Once she reached one hundred, she would enter, that she had told herself. 

83, 84, 85... 

The kittens moved inside her. A week or so, then they would come. And if she didn't have a home by then, they would die. She wouldn't be able to care for them on her own, she didn't know how. 

87, 88, 89... 

She breathed slowly to calm herself. Not long now. 

91, 92, 93... 

Was her sister still around? True, she and Cassandra had never been that close, but Exotica still thought of her. Had she found a tom of her own? Did she have kittens? She had tried to ask Macavity's toms about Cassandra, but they had never bothered with her. They knew that Macavity's queens never lasted long, and that she would soon be replaced. She hadn't known. She had been an idiot. 

95, 96, 97... 

"Who are you?" 

That voice was familiar. She had heard it before, but not like this. She remembered it being lighter, younger. This voice was hard, cold, and there was worry in it. Exotica looked up. In front of her stood a grey tabby tom. His eyes darted from her face to her swollen belly and back again. There was faint recognizing in his green gaze. 

"You are Exotica," he said slowly. "I remember you. You left." 

"Yes," she whispered. "And... and I would like to come back. If I may?" 

She had not expected such a strong reaction from him. Or perhaps she had, but not like this. She had expected anger, surprise, and maybe even resentment, but Munkustrap grabbed her shoulders and hissed: "Where is she?" 

There was panic in his voice. 

"Who?" she asked. 

But she knew. 

"Demeter," she said calmly and nodded. "You are the one she refused him for." 

Munkustrap let go of her. He was shaking a little, but his eyes were clear and sure. "She has been gone for two days. No one has a sign of her. I know Macavity likes her, and you..." He glared at her with such contempt that she flinched. "You were with him too. That's why you left." 

"I was. But... things are different now." She stroked her pregnant belly and sighed. "Things are not safe for us there anymore. And... and he doesn't care for me either. He's all about _her_." She spat out the last word, as if it was something foul that she didn't want in her mouth. 

"He's got her." Munkustrap darkened. "I know he has. He has _my_ Demeter. Where is he?" 

Exotica was silent. She thought about Macavity. He had been hers for a while. She did not doubt for a second that she had loved her, even if it was only for a short period of time. Her Macavity had never been pleased with what he had. Always wanting more, wanting what he couldn't have and throwing a tantrum if he was denied it. 

"Exotica! Where _is_ he?" 

She looked up again and saw his face. He was very angry now. 

"If I tell," she said slowly, "then can I stay? Only for a short while," she hurried to add when she saw him hesitating. "My kittens will be born soon. They are innocent. They have done nothing wrong. They deserve a real home, with a mother and a father who loves them." She hugged herself. "I can't... give them that. And he couldn't. Please, Munkustrap. I know there's nothing bad in you. If you command me, I will walk away once they're born. I will leave them in the care of the Jellicles. All I ask for is a safe place for them to be let into the world. And in return, I will tell you where you can find your precious Demeter." 

She waited, her face showing no emotions. She was the stoic queen he remembered so well. The one who hid because she was so afraid of what might happen if she stepped up and took the spotlight. 

"Very well," said Munkustrap finally. His jaw was clenched. "If you tell me where to find her, I will allow your kittens to stay. But I don't trust you. You have been proven unworthy of that, Exotica." 

She nodded. "I know. Thank you." 

She told him where Macavity hid, and he ran off into the night. Rain started to fall, soft droplets that got stuck in Exotica's black fur. She shook her head and hurried into the shelter the junkyard provided. She hid in an empty pipe that smelled of mildew and other cats. It was a smell she recognized, even though she hadn't felt it in a long time. Jellicles. 

Exotica closed her eyes and slept. 

**

...

**

When she awoke the next day, Munkustrap stood next to her. He regarded her calmly, the worry in his eyes completely vanished. 

"She is back," he replied to her unasked question. "She is resting. He hurt her. He will pay." It was stated without emotions and without care. 

"I'm glad," said Exotica. That was almost true. "And our agreement?" 

"It is still on. I'll take you to Jennyanydots. She will take care of you until the kittens come." 

She nodded. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." 

**

...

**

And a week later, just as she knew it, her kittens come. Oh, they are so beautiful. She knows that every mother must think that her kittens are the most beautiful things ever to come to the world, but they are all wrong. Her kittens, her babes, they truly are wonderful. 

There are three of them, and they all have a little of herself in them. First there is Orangina, her strange and mysterious one. It is possible that she has powers, just like her daddy, but it's too early to tell just yet. To know, Exotica has to see her daughter's eyes, and the eyes won't open for a few days. 

Then there is Thet. He's a feisty one. His coat is light so far, but it is possible that it will darken with time. He has markings on her face, just like Exotica, and he moves around more than his siblings. He is eager to come out into the world and make an impression. Exotica is already proud of him. 

And finally, there is little Patripatan, who was so weak when he was born that no one thought he'd make it. But he hanged on, refused to die, and soon he was as strong as his siblings. 

"They are lovely," says Cassandra, the proud aunt. It didn't take her long to forgive her sister for leaving. She is pregnant herself, with the kittens of her mate Alonzo. 

"Thank you," says Exotica and smiles. They _are_ lovely. They are _hers_. "I hope they will be well-raised." 

"They will. I'll keep an eye on them." 

"I appreciate that." 

There is silence as the two regards the sleeping kittens. 

"I'll have to leave soon," says Exotica finally. "Munkustrap said so. I'm not welcome here." 

"Jellicles never forgets," sighs Cassandra. "We're stubborn that way." 

Exotica shrugs. "It doesn't matter to me. My kittens are okay. That's important. I only hope that their father won't come looking for them." 

"We'll take care of them," promises her sister. She hesitates. "But... The Jellicle Ball is tonight. If you want to, you can join us and dance." 

Exotica smiles bleakly. "You know I was never much for crowds." 

"True. But you can do this for me. Just once." 

The mother thinks about this. And she nods. 

She watches them again, her kin. She hides in shadows and watches them, to make sure that nothing happens. She's the invisible guardian. She listens to the song of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, the ones she was supposed to make sure of nothing happened to. She sees Grizabella trying to be close. She sees the others shun her, again and again. She hears the laughs of Macavity in a distance. 

But that night, she is not only a spectator. That night, she leaves her darkness, and she dances. For her sister. And for herself, a little. 

_Fin_. 

**A/N:** I apologize for the tense shifts. The story wanted to be written that way.


End file.
